اینجا

من در کشوری زندگی میکنم که ارتباطی میان آدمها نیست اما کبوترها مسالمت آمیز و آرام در کنار آدمها زندگی میکنند، بی ترس . اینجا هوای زندگی سنگینتر از جریان زندگیست

من دوباره خواهم نوشت

Ghorrr!!!

I am nostalgic today..very much so! Went out and explored china town today it was fun, especially the food in the heart of the smelly part of town ... But even that didn't help! I miss school , I had one week off for spring break and thought it was too much ... I officially turned 29 less than a week ago and have no feelings about that! Nothing whatsoever...I should mention though that I received lots of love and of course a very handy iPod touch which allows me to lie down on bed and be able to write this using my side bed light.
I am glad to re-enter the world tomorrow, may this shitty nostalgia goes away! I can't sleep well recently...it's very annoying!

tonights story

Tonight is just another night , although I am fully aware of that some ridiculous force wants me to maybe be sad alittle; It is the new years eve , Persian way...I have never been alone on EYD..well now I am and that is OK cause I am a big girl or woman I shall say . I tend to get very very emotional just hours before the new year begins and therefore I decided to sleep in through the night and even turn off my phone maybe and sleep like a baby. This way I can start tomorrow like nothing has happened! We, Persians, have this belief that whatever it is you catch yourself doing on the minute the years starts shows what your upcoming year looks like pretty much..I don't know if I believe in that or not but even if it is true, what is better than sleeping..lol
In this regard, I have to tell you that my beloved gold fish(Nemo) died just days before eyd ..she lived for almost one year and I took care of her but......so, I went and bought another one. I didn't realize how red this new fish is until I put it in the jar ...or maybe Nemo had lost her color as she was aging and I got used to that melo orange color of her...anyways...
I was thinking, if I wanted to set a new years resolution for 1388,what would it be...couldn't think of anything else rather than what I came up with for 2009 , which is good...one less pressure I guess.
Listening to sara mclaughlin while I am typing is very soothing , just pored myself a red glass of shiraz too, cheers to all !
Closing my eyes, I see myself , see my friends , we're all in shomal ( north of Iran ) which looks alot like Hawaii by the way, it is raining a bit makes everything so fresh , we talk laugh play eat drink smoke dance ...everyone is happy ...it is eyd then too! It is not quite there and music is upbeat , we are all jiggling...we take pictures by the 7sin and pose funny faces one after the other...
In my thoughts I am not alone in a far far country ...distant from eveyone I love ...I am there ...I am with all the people I love ...as the TV guy says "eyd mobarak" , I jump in to baba afshar's arms (my beloved grandpa) and kiss him and stare at the tears in his eyes as he is handing eydi ( presents )
In my world , in my mind, everyone is still there ,we are all happily together. So who cares if I am physically alone?! I will sleep through the night dreaming and start tomorrow fresh and keep trying ! I promise...
Eyd Mobarak!!!

Grey

All the dates you are patiently or impatiently waiting for will eventually come , will come and go with the same fast paste ,or slow even..the point is there will come a day that you'd say what happened? When did I close my eyes during all that waiting that I didn't notice the time flew by in front of my eyes??! all the important dates ,whatever it is in your mind, graduation day , wedding day, first day of school or the last ,the day your vacation begins, first day of spring or eyd...what ever it may be...it will come..and go !
I appreciate good music more than before now...
I have less patient...
I run in my thoughts ,run and run and run...
I remember more...or try to at least...
I see more grey than ever everywhere...
I miss Toronto...
I don't like this weather, I don't like the breeze 12 months a year , I don't like spring anymore ,period !
I don't have to explain ,for anyone anything ...even for myself , I run , that's what I do !

Vino talk

I'll be lying if I tell you I feel no pressure on myself or I sleep well at nights without night meres about upcoming exams..although I did well on the first two,very well actually,couldn't get any better...although..and although I am full of self efficacy , maybe I could use a little more self esteem ...ha ha! We're going to Hawaii next week..I want to be excited but I feel guilty, so I postponed my excitement to Friday .. and Friday will be the day!! I will love unknown destinations once again :) Niyaz concert was just amazing ..I hope you get to see this band wherever you are ,their music is very inspiring ! This Red Cab tastes really good..I had a long day ...I so deserve it !

Interval

Looking at the digits of the treadmill , speed, calories, digits…thinking of Biology lab …thinking of Kathy, the teacher and how picky she is, how hard it must be to please her and to ace her class …looking at digits again ,not moving very fast ,my leg muscles are hurting ..I am back to the gym after 2 weeks thinking about my sociology presentation which is going to be next week and it’s test a week after that …I feel in shape though my heart rate doesn’t agree with me…trying to remember periodic table of element which I knew by heart once which I used to teach to people which I have forgotten long long time a go…I am running and am thinking of tomorrow, how important it can be in my future. Thinking about reading, reading pages of my heavy very expensive books which are full of mostly interesting material (at least so far) and full of unfamiliar words I shall say ..looking at the digits and listening to one of the up beat musics in the ipod I am thinking about the time I am putting, reading and more reading …I am running, running and thinking, thinking that it is all about not giving up…and it gets scary some times .it is about keeping it real it is about pursuing happiness.